… happiness of having a special child is just a matter of acceptance …

There’s no amount of words or sympathy can take away the pain I’ve been through when my son joined with his Creator last January 4, 2008. Despite of his situation, I always considered him a darling and angel to everyone.

Most of my dreams are for him, big or small. He was always a part of it. He was always considered. It hurts me so much that he was not given a chance to enjoy what is life here in the United States and enjoy the high tech facilities and benefits the US government has for special children. In as much as to my desire to bring him here but it seemed that he wanted to rest in the Philippines where our family is there, relatives, his classmates in Special Ed and friends.

Sad to say that on the day I left here to go back home to the Philippines to attend his funeral, my husband received the acknowledgement letter from the USCIS regarding his petition. But there must be a reason why it happened and I have to accept it. Only God knows ….

Furthermore, I was also hurt that he was not given a chance to see his little sister Samantha Lucci (Sachi). Even in his last moment Sachi wasn’t able to make a glance of his little big brother because of things beyond our control. Storm came along California, plane schedule was very hard to find since it was still a part of peak season (Christmas and New Year was just over) and the time to prepare her documents would make my travel delayed. So I have to decide, let the wake of my son wait or leave my daughter behind and I chose the later.

Before he passed away, on January 2, 2008 while I was taking a nap after a night shift work I had a dream. I saw Mama Mary and Jesus Christ walking in the park with different children around the world. There were black, white, brown, yellow etc…. There were picture takings happened. I even grabbed my son to pose with them. I ran, Luigi ran too in order to catch them because there were lot of kids who wanted to have a picture taking with them. My reason was is we fall in line just to have a picture taking with the Santa Claus how much more with Mama Mary and Jesus Christ ? Suddenly the dream stopped and I woke up. I ignore it. I didn’t mind it al all. Now that Lui is gone and joined with his Creator I realized the message of my dream. God wanted to inform me through such dream to be strong, not to worry so much, be happy that he didn’t suffer between life and death in the hospital because he is in a good hands. It was a sudden demised that everybody were shocked. In fact he only stayed one hour and a half at the Emergency Room and he gave up. But maybe it’s already time for him to rest in His loving arms.

Now, that his 11th birthday is coming ( March 10, 2008) all I can say is wherever he is right now what he leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

To our friends, relatives near and far who were there with us during our time of sorrow and pains let me take this opportunity to say thank you for your time and effort of comforting us. It was very much appreciated. In behalf of my husband Todd, my daughter Sachi who were here in the US during that time, we say thank you from the bottom of our hearts to ….. my family, the Lanajas who is always there through thick and thin when it comes to Luigi. To the Petersons who supported me also in my moments of downs and doubts even if they never meet Lui. To Liza, his yaya, who dedicated herself for nine long years of taking care of my son. Above all, to Heavenly Father for giving Lui 10 great years with us.

“Perhaps you sent a lovely card or sat quietly in a chair. Perhaps you sent beautiful flowers if so, we saw them there. Perhaps you were not there at all just thought of us that day. Whatever you did to console our heart we THANK YOU so much, whatever the part”.

There’s nothing more exciting than experiencing all the first events in life …. first step on the pool, first ride on a carousel, first visit in a pumpkin farm, first trick or treat at the neighborhood and a lot more. Even if baby has no idea what is it all about but the memories through print media and modern technologies will bring it back and would tell her the happy moments she had during her early years. An experience where every parents should not hinder to every child’s milestone of development. It makes the baby grow happy and lovable …. as saying goes …. "The child is a father of a man." Whatever experience or thoughts you implant to the young mind of the baby, and whatever happy memories you give to her will always be her foundation of what she will be in the future.

To have a special child is no joke! Some says it’s a cursed, a shame, a disgrace, above all a burden to the whole family.

            During his early age, irregularity on his developmental arena has been observed, yet denial won through because he was still very young and there was still enough time for him to pull through or to make progress.

            A year, and another year after at a snail’s pace, the truth of his disability was confirmed. It cannot be denied anymore. A mixed feelings went through. Different feelings. There was pain, fear and apprehension, panic and a blame to circumstances.

            Tears overflowed, sleepless nights were experienced, and a question to oneself, “Why me Lord? Why my son?”. The word acceptance was very difficult to understand. To appreciate was already far from imagination. Everything seemed doomsday.

            One day, I was called to attend a training on Special Education in Manila, Philippines. At first I was hesitant to join leaving my son behind but still I went through. I was enlightened. I became interested in it. I asked what this is all about? What am I here for?

            Little by little, my questions were answered. At last I found my group! A group where everybody understands me, helps me during my moments of downs or doubts and boost my morale as mother of a special child. There, I realized I am not alone in this world. And I found that my child is not a curse nor a shame, not a disgrace nor a burden , but rather a God’s gift to me, wherein God knows that I am the most qualified person to handle this very special child.

            Special Ed changed my lifestyle, my outlook in life. From gregarious individual  to a straightforward person. I am now very proud of my son LUIGI MIGUEL, a child with a cerebral palsy. I’m even proud of myself that despite being a parent of a special child, I am more privileged than the others. My stress tolerance, patience, staying power, and perseverance towards life and tribulations were elevated far above the ground.

            Moreover, I also realized that HAPPINESS OF HAVING A SPECIAL CHILD IS JUST A MATTER OF ACCEPATNCE. Acceptance to what is lacking and providing only what is considered necessary. It means getting involve in activities of Special Education but not limited to other organizations and programs  that believe in my capacity. It does not only strengthen me as person but it helps me in parenting my son, reinforcing my knowledge to other children with special needs and other parents like me.

            Kudos to my DepEd family in the Philippines and the Resources for the Blind, Inc. (RBI) headed by Randall Weisser and the late Mercedes H. Cano for pushing me to join the Special Ed Program. I will never forget you guys!